belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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