I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
