Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
