I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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