Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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