If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
