you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
