walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
