why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
