So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
