The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
