hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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