Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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