The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize