Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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