I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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