my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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