Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
