I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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