I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
