So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
