Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
