You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
