i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
