with your own penis?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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