I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh god the rape fog is back!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
