I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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