while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
