EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize