I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
