i jhust puked up my retainher.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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