Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
