Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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