there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
