I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Shame - the story of my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
