I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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