hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
