What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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