Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
