He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
