Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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