he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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