Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we made out on top of his cat.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize