You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
