Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
