I faked an abortion last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
