I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He passed out mid-signature
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
