I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
