i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
