Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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