my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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