I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
