he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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