And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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