booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
