It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
