scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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