Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
