dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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