Well douche your snatch and let's go!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
