who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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