I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
