I didn't shave. On purpose
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
