me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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