4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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