I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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