even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize