You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
