areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
