Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
