he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
