What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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