i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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